Cuckoo Clocks For Sale

Nice~

OK, a few ideas…

Here I am, x98

Lo I am, x98

Curious, I am x98

Fiesty I am, x98

Timely I am, x98

Hesitant I am, x98

Ultimate I am, x98

Intimate I am, x98

And I got a whole bunch more, but those are some starters to help you get out of your ‘mental block’….

Hope they help:o)

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First of all, what are you wanting to fix? Where do you think it needs work? It’s your poem, and only you know what you want to say.

Having said that – I think some of your imagery is very evocative, like "I’m like a cuckoo clock that strikes at random hours", but in other places you are using images that are a little stale and trite (like the colors white and green to represent purity and jealousy or greed).

I don’t know if you need to use the phrase "at periods" so often to make your point. For example:

I am ______
the period of twilight
At periods I’m weird
At periods I’m a passionate lover
Or pure as the color white
Greedy as the color green
At periods I’m like clay
a sticky ductile material…

You see what I mean – keeping the flow with the word "period" but not overusing it.

Just a few suggestions – if they work, great. If not, hey, it’s your poem, your work of creation, and ultimately you are the only judge of whether it says what you want it to or not.

Overall, good job!

im not being critical i wright poems/songs as well i believe if you used times instead of periods it would catch people on to it more sorry i cant help more you should try to do it yourself otherwise it may not come out the way you want it have funn